Opinion, Volume 9 number 1, January 2007, by Neal Matson
The Missionary Position On 2007
As a clergyperson, I receive unsolicited mail from many religious organizations, including the right-wingers. Last year, in preparation for the annual Roe v. Wade protest, a junk mail flyer suggested carrying signs displaying the words GOD FORGIVE AMERICA. They were selling these signs and I almost bought one because that phrase is so widely appropriate in today's world. Fundamentalists can use it to protest abortion, peacemakers to protest the war, environmentalists to protest our part in global warming, human rights groups to protest torture, etc. It’s the universal bumpersticker.
Forgiveness is also a basic tenet of Christianity. Jesus erases (forgives) bad karma. A simple enough formula for anyone, but what about a whole country?
The answer is in what is usually called the Lord's Prayer. "Forgive us our trespasses/debts/sins as we forgive those who have trespassed/debted/sinned against us" (Matthew 6:12). That's difficult enough for an individual and nearly impossible for a country. In recent history, the Republic of South Africa has come the closest to doing so with its Truth and Reconciliation Committee that "forgave" the apartheidists. Will the United States ever be able to forgive the wounding of New York? Not in 2007.
Here in Alaska one of the first things our novice governor wants to do is put the legalization of gay apartheid on the ballot. An August 17, 2004, report by the Government Accounting Office points out that there are 1,138 federal benefits that legally married couples have that other couples do not. Publicans continually have to keep someone down in order to feel superior, don't they? The idea of banning certain other kinds of marriages/rights could have beneficial results in some cases, however.
Supposing we banned homoracial marriage? If everyone had to marry someone of a different race we would soon eradicate racial discrimination and racism. Let's forbid homodenominational unions. Fundamentalists cannot marry each other and propagate recessive false doctrines. A hybrid union would produce beliefs that were continually examined, the truth would prevail, and lunacies like creationism would go extinct because the side with only part of the story cannot prevail over the side with the whole story. Currently, as shown on a 20/20 episode (June 30, 2006), like-minded people only speaking to each other become only more extreme. Heterogenerational marriage could also be banned to preserve traditional marriage by disallowing middle-aged men to divorce and remarry immature arm candy, or teeny trollops to wed sugar daddies. No marriage/rights if the partners differ in age by more than twenty years.
Another extrapolation worth thinking about derives from the fundamentalist's belief that God is depending on the righteous to do His work in stopping all abortions/birth control/sex education. Isn't God also depending on us humans to save the environment from global warming which will eventually kill millions of the already-born? The good news is that the religious right is starting to get on board the green bandwagon. Abstinence only for ANWR!
This new year will undoubtedly bring an increase in cell phone annoyance in public places. We can mitigate this a bit if we simply join in the conversations. Anyone talking loud and long enough so that we can follow the conversation is inviting bystander input. If anyone wants to keep his chitchat private he should whisper or move out of the public ear. Public loud-talkers should expect and receive no privacy.
Each passing year brings more and more of the ’60s generation into retirement and 2007 may be the year to legalize marijuana for persons over a certain age, say 55, or 60, or 65. These are the folks who brought pot into mainstream America culture and would use it responsibly. They're retired now and don't need to be concerned about dampening their ambition. Any danger from inhaling can easily be avoided by eating the weed in "magic muffins." These folks have earned the right to relax and just enjoy their old music, their old munchies, and their old movies. The government should even provide it for the relief of arthritic and other chronic pain and as a preventative medicine for glaucoma and Alzheimer's. A recent study from the Scripps Research Institute shows that THC "can help slow the progression of Alzheimer's disease" and "block the formation of disease-causing plaques better than several mainstream drugs" (Time, 11/6/06, p. 98). It is high time for a sensible approach to this widely used recreational herb, but I'm not holding my breath.
Our local politicians have begun referring to recent years as “two-oh-six,” “two-oh-seven,” etc. These new idiomatic phrases are faster to say than "two-thousand-seven" but are grating to the ear and are actually 1800 years in error. Eight years ago, we all were referring to the year 2000 as Y2K. I think we should continue that practice and refer to this new year, in speech at least, as "two-K-seven". It's just as quick to say and is accurate.
Today's TV newsfolk also now use the phrase "sports is next" to tell us what's coming up after the commercial break. May their English teachers hunt them down and rap their knuckles this year.
A few years ago we were in a frenzy about teaching ebonics or, as linguists call it, African American Vernacular English. If we want to add new idioms, this dialect has a candidate in the ability to add a continuative or habitual aspect to a verb with the inclusion of the word "be." For example, "He be goin' to church" means he goes to church regularly. I think that's a nice addition to the English language and I think we should begin using it.
That's my position on several topics at the beginning of 2K7 and I be stickin' to most of them. | ||
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